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2014-02-12 21:46:39 by MemoryCard

i see my sins when i smoke pot.

remembered what heroin felt like. very cold and hard ball of energy surounded by nothingness.

I have no middle, left right, left right.  

Drop out of life with bong in hand, follow the smoke to the Riff Filled Land.

if i dont know the words that are coming out of my mouth before i say them how can you ever really blame me. can you ask god that?.

When I die I want to be a god of Doom and Metal

I knew k2 was melting my face off. I look like a pudgy version of the boyish person i once was.

When I die I want to go to hell to explore. you know, without all the physical pain. Heaven scares me.

I had a dream last night that the devil was interragating me to find out how to make the anti christ. so I replied "i will not tell you the jackels truth"

There's nothing wrong with a little greed
Never enough to satisfy
Such a driving desire that burns inside

why do i have to hurt you for you to notice me?

so apparently im an "original fag" on 4chan. I will be telling my grandchildren.

ive been praying every day for three years to die but i'm not any closer to my goal.

So my friend is getting friendly with my sister. I hope they can stay together, he's a boyfirend I can trust not to fuck her over. what im worried about is her hitting him in a fight like all her other boyfriends.

I want to die so that I can really live.

song title: the pit and the lake

I remember when I was fucked up I found paperless filters from ciggerettes and no one would claim them so I just kept picking them up day after day saying to myself "who the fuck does this"? 

I dreamt kasey still loved me again...

Song title: sadists in heaven

day after day i wait for the lord and read his word expecting a message from god that hasnt happened yet.

1 Corinthians 15:22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

I like to let my blades have a taste of blood. thanks to connor for christening it for me.

i will die tommorow if all things go according to plan.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:"

There are things I've done I can't erase
I want to look in the mirror see another face
I said, "never", but I'm doing it again
I wanna walk away, start over again

I had a dream i had weed but nobody had a lighter.. the horror. also that I choked my uncle out for looking through my computer history.

Death to being sober!

I am the prodigy of indifference.


I hate the healthy. I am the cancer; fuck your happy life.

they think im crazy but they dont know the feeling.

 a parent doesn't create a child to suffer. Suffering is simply part of existence.

i feel like such a fucking pussy for not holding my shit down. feel worse that i actually thought about eating it.

At war with earth
Nothing I fear
Weed, speed metal, liquor and beer!

When you keep getting pelted with Shit Balls, you gotta get a Shit Bat.- Layhe

getting shitfaced with myself and tom waits

im his oldest friend and he treats me like shit. why cant i have good friends..

i have done the things you grieve

i have been through my own personal hell many a time and i have become nothing but stronger. literal. hell. 

i want to do the mind eraser challenge. 14 shots some beers as a chaser, finishin it all off with a mind eraser. all i need is some kaluha and some vodka and some sprite, and 2 beers.. cant wait

I've died so many times inside
I've accepted this pain
And I won't look back now
I never will

 I fucking miss you connor. you fucking fuck.

i love and cherish my friends but they dont give a fuck about me.

I want to learn weedcraft. it is real and i know it. it lies in the whispering winds..



what memories do i lose when i just try to keep living

every heaven i imagine is another hell

Psalm 19:1-3 

the devil lies in ways that make us understand the truth for ourselves.

We are living, we are breathing, we are pieces of defecating meat.

so we count the days by the bottles on the floor

 Now, as multiple thoughts arise, they are pushed down by another force that does not let the thoughts arise in the first place. Yet, it allows for a single thought to be heard – as I am still able to write this. 

"yo man you wanna hang out sometime"; "nah"         well fuck you then.


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2014-02-12 22:12:13

My Soul Mate ! :'I


2014-02-12 23:03:50

Are you sure that's not what you were already on when you typed this entry?