Zizzle.
EDIT: feels like satan is attacking me. like i am forced to pray to falsehood or am not capable of having my prayers heard
Dying would be best right now, so i can get ahold of things.
march9
Talked with God JeHoVa and Jesus Christ. told to wait, 4 weeks of nonsubversive thinking. Lightening and thunder. No Pot. OH MY LORD I ASKED IF I COULD FINISH THE BAG AND FORCEFUL LIGHTNING OCCOURED REDUCING ME TO ASKING FORGIVENESS OF SIN. i wonder if I can speak with the lord in a well enough way to recieve him- he acknowledged the speed of thought.
in four weeks of sobriety, can I masturbate? Good Vibes
Can we keep this level of communication while i am sober? Please? I have so many questions but I have need to collect my thoughts. sorry if that was long apology. In Four weeks christ will come visit me on a cross.
I wonder if that is literal? Please Please Please Forgive me for my many many sins of which ive detail on this very website and in life.
Maybe I will be free in a month.
MARCH 10
Talked to a pastor about not smoking pot and subversive thinking. Later flipped the bible to passage "Truly i say to you, i shall by no means drink anymore of the product of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of heaven". Which I think means stay sober. It's really making me want a ciggarette. from past encounters cigs arent a problem but I'm trying to obstain from those anyways. Now I'm trying running when i get bored instead of smoking so I can join the Navy.
Pastors talked about intuition and how some members have "gifts". I dont want any part of them. no mind reading is good when it comes to me. Toxic person at the moment. I'm sure they're fine people but they may get me back into "thinking subversively", and then know what could happen.
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asked god to
1. have jesus come today
2. let me smoke pot
3. have something happen in the next 2 days
he chose 1.
at 11:07pm jesus will knock on my door and guide me up a rope to the sky.
There is something very very big out there and it is NOT God. Nothing happened. My faith is shaken to the core. COMPLETELY outside elements, 2 distinct voices with 2 different personalities saying words I had to look up. and they lied. Something out there is purporting to be god and I have no idea what to do. I really want to smoke a bowl now, but I'm still deathly afraid God will send me to hell the moment I do. Its the oddest thing, I know god is great, merciful, and kind; but I'm super afraid that he will send me to hell forever for any old thing. Disobeying a direct act of god is pretty bad but when you dont understand anything about it how could it really be sin? I just want to get back to talking freely with Jehova and Jesus. They make the world seem like it revolves around you.<maybe thats why its bad?
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please contact me again, i have no idea what im supposed to be doing.
